Saturday, April 10, 2010

What I Did For Love

Sometimes, I still want to do it all over again. I still want to do God's work full time. It's still in my heart. The desire is still alive, after everything that has happened.

Regular readers of this blog know that chapter in my life when I quit being a lawyer for a while to serve full-time in Lingkod. But that only happened for a period of two years, after which I felt the need to go back to practice my profession and earn a living.
Five years after making that decision, I am now involved in various ministries, albeit not on a full-time basis. What time I used to give to my trans-parochial community, I now give to our parish. Although still able to pray in the charismatic way, I now spend time in silence before the Blessed Sacrament more often than I used to. I continue to read spiritual books. I observe the liturgical calendar more closely because of my parish involvement, and have grown to draw peace and strength from these observances.

A friend from Lingkod pointed out that I am still a missionary at heart, and what brings me joy is to do God's work. In being part of the Lectors and Commentators, attending Scripture study, going to the BEC seminars, giving talks to the youth, counting the mass collection, participating in the prayer meetings, or talking to my co-servants in the parish, I have reached a different level in my spiritual journey, and I am grateful for where I am now.

This is the year of pruning and disciplining for me: less of the world, more of the Lord. Circumstances in my life prevent me from going out too much, or living a lifestyle of a single young professional without a care in the world. With more responsibilities at home and at work, my free time is best spent doing what I love the most. And I have discovered that going to parties, hanging out in noisy bars, and wasting time on frivolous (to me) matters no longer appeal to me. At least, I cannot afford to do them.

In my prayer time, I feel God calling me more deeply into a relationship with Him. Everything I do now is in pursuit of that. As for the people and events that do not fit my present situation, I believe there is a proper time for everything. Friends, if they are true, will understand and eventually go with the changes in tastes and preferences. Opportunities, well, they will come as long as I give my best to my job. I am not at all afraid of losing out or being left behind, just because my calendar is filled with work, errands, service, or sleep.

I can still do it - one day. But for now, I live each day with God, walking with Him, waiting for Him, listening to Him, and encountering Him in the people that I deal with, whether they are aware of it or not. This is another step in trying to please my Audience of One, and no longer the whole world. I am happy to note how love grows through time, and how in knowing myself more, I can love God more.

What I did for love, I can still do now, wherever I am, with whomever I choose. I am more confident in this, after the first experience of a radical lifestyle. I'm a little subdued now, maybe, as a factor of age. But guess what? I am so much happier.

No comments: