I just saw Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon with my mother. I really, really liked the movie. The young heroine was mighty stupid to pass up the chance to be trained by a great and loving Master like the man played by Chow Yun Fat. I wish I had a Master like that to pick me up, tell me I have great potential, be patient and firm with me, and let me become the best person I could be. Of course I also wanted her passionte relationship with the handsome bandit Dark Cloud. She botched up that job, too. Some people just don't know how to appreciate what they have.
More than a decade ago, a good friend gave me a poster that said: May you find what you want in life, know it when you see it, and have the good luck to get it and keep it. I hung that poster for a long time in our room back in Sta. Mesa. When we moved here to Don Antonio, I had to let the old poster go but the words, I kept.
Just this week four of my very close friends, on separate occasions & in different ways, have told me that I've forgotten how to do that - to enjoy the moment, to live the here and now, to stop being anxious. I was told I have to stop willing myself to BECOME, that I have to JUST BE. I was asked to stop wishing this world would be like the utopian world I am living inside my head. Or else I would be as unhappy and unsatisfied as Ally McBeal, whose best friend John Cage told her once that she would never be happy. I've long ago stopped wishing for the anorexic and high-profile life of Ally McBeal. I removed the nickname ELLAMCBEAL from my cellphone screen the day after I found out that I flunked the bar. That wasn't me anymore. She's also had some very unhealthy relationships with men. I don't want that either.
Some 2,000 years ago a man walked this earth to offer happiness greater than Utopia. He was patient, firm, and like the Master in Crouching Tiger, gave His life to save that of His followers. I want to take this week to fully appreciate the power of that sacrifice and what it means to me today. You see, I already have that Master who offered to train me. I've just been too stubborn and lazy to follow Him. Sometimes I even purposely turn my back on Him, ignoring the fact that I hurt Him everytime I do that. My Lord Jesus Christ, thank you for stopping me dead on my tracks, calling me by name, and offering me a fuller life. May I have no other Master in life other than you. I do not want to leap to my death knowing that I have caused you irreversible pain and betrayal, which is what happened to the young heroine in the movie. No, while we are still together in this world, I want to explore the richness of life that You offer. I know that this world is just training, my Lord. So please train me for Heaven.
Next week I will become something else - either a lawyer or a two-time bar flunker. My life will change permanently either way. I could do two things - continue being the anxious, control freak that I am, or let go and just BE. For no matter how hard I did work reviewing for the bar exams, ultimately there are too many things beyond my control. My strength and my courage is the Lord, my Savior.
Your prayers would count too, my friends. Not just for me but for the whole batch who took the exams last September. Thank you so much!